Welcome to the world of Music TJ!

Poetry

New Year (2015)

At the end of every year I write a new poem to usher in the new year. Last year, for the first time in a number of years, I neglected to do so. I shan’t do the same this year.

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2014 has been a year of change for me. In January, I graduated from my Masters degree in Music Performance, with a fairly clear plan for the year. I was going to travel to Italy, as I had done during the summer for a few years. I had planned to spend a few months there, then possibly head to Ankara, Turkey for another few months. Italy fell through, and I had to change my plans. Halfway through the year, I moved to Berlin. I write this on Christmas eve and I’m sitting on my bed (I’ll type it up later)

It’s my first Christmas away from the UK in over two decades. Though I’ve spent the season on my own in years gone by. It feels quite different to be in a new country that I am yet to be able to call home. And as I prepare to celebrate my first Christmas away from home, I gain new respect for the many international students I have known over the years. I don’t know how you did. Though, I’m glad you did, and I am richer for knowing you.

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As I sit here, I think on the future. For the last decade, I had followed a plan. I’ve come to the end of that and I have no plan now. And I’m not ashamed to tell you that it’s a scary place for me.

Purpose

A new year beckons.

A new day begins.

As this new sun rises,

A new season begins with it.

A season of hope.

A season of joy.

A season of fulfilled dreams.

A season of new drive.

A season of new challenges.

Just like any other.

But a season with new determination.

So you need not run for cover.

As we open ours eyes.

To face this new day.

We think new thoughts.

We dream new dreams.

We see new faces.

To guide us on our way.

We step into new phases.

And in joy, our heads we lay.

Purpose must drive you.

And circumstance, not beguile you.

You need to be clear,

on who it is you are.

Be that one,

who believes in dreams.

Be that one,

who knows dreams can come true.

Lean not on excuse.

Don’t let fear stop you.

Negativity, you must refuse.

Else your tears proceed to drown you.

And when dark days come.

As they tend to do.

Reach deep inside,

To the strength in you.

Forget not, who you are.

Neglect not, your distant star.

Rather, stand firm for what you believe.

Reach far and you may yet receive.

Be brave and you’ll achieve.

Be true to you and in yourself believe.

As the new day begins,

see in it, a new hope.

See in it, a new chance.

And don’t be afraid.

Look back, to see where you’ve come from.

Then look forward, see where you’re going.

With a smile on your face, and hope in your heart.

Know that the future is indeed bright!

Happy New Year everyone! Make 2015 amazing! 🙂

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Do I Dare

Of late I’ve been thinking. In truth, I never seem to stop thinking. The thoughts lately are generally centered around dreams and having them come true, or otherwise. And the question is always ‘Do I Dare Dream?’

On my last day at Kingston International, as I was leaving the office, I said goodbye to a friend of mine. While doing so I confessed being rather afraid of the unknown next step. To which she responded “You’re not scared of anything”
Now, I’m thoroughly glad that I come across as fearless and full of confidence, even cocky to many I come across. To a friend that I trust, I have no qualms in confessing being daunted. I told her that I’d felt the same fear before many of my major life changes. I was quite afraid when I left my job and Vodafone on 05 to return to full time education. I was beyond scared when I stood for election to the post of President of the Kingston University Students’ Union, both times. And before leaving Kingston International, I was petrified. All that did not stop me from moving forward anyway. In truth, I hope it never stops me. I hope it continues to empower me. Every time I seek to take a step outside of that which I know to be me, there is fear. And the question is always ‘Do I Dare?’

(more…)


Insanity

I crave insanity
Insanity born of purpose
I crave insanity
Insanity that promotes drive.

That insanity that ignites passions
And makes you relentless
That insanity that drives creativity
So you can never stop.

That insanity that is unreasonable
And won’t accept what is.
That insanity that is wonderful
And only sees the beauty in all.

That insanity that will look beyond
Beyond the veneer
And see the truth
See the beauty beneath.

Inject me with this insanity.
For the world is becoming far too sane.
We can no longer see things that really matter.
We live in the sanity of the material.
The sanity of what we can touch.

I’d rather have the insanity
of what I cannot see.
I cannot see the love,
that gently encapsulates my mind

I cannot see the inspiration
that causes me to write.
And yet I trust in both
Both push me to fight.

Our hearts no longer beat for each other.
Our hearts no longer beat for truth.
Our hearts just beat for ourselves.
We leave the rest to rust.

Please give me this insanity
That insane thirst for knowledge
I want the insanity of love
That stupid fleeting thing.

I want my insanity
That childhood glee
No thought of what should
And what should not be

Give me insanity
It is my fondest plea
Wrapped in a world
Ripe with possibility

The thing that causes
our hearts to flutter
Is insane it’s true.
But it draws me out of the gutter

So yes, give me insanity.
I need not your reasoning.
Give me insanity.
For it is the reason I’m still breathing.


Tomorrow

I don’t close my eyes to sadness.
I don’t turn my ear from cries.
Though I’ll turn my ears to gladness
And turn today’s truth to a lie.

I’ll reach into the ether
And pull out a new tomorrow.
I’ll plunge into my dreams.
So the future turns from sorrow.

Today may tell one thing.
But tomorrow’s yet to be born.
If you dwell in today’s darkness.
You’ll never see the light.

You don’t need to close your eyes to sadness.
To see the future gladness.
But you shouldn’t plunge into the tears
To live away from fear.

In that distant time,
In years yet to come.
Beyond the bridges burnt
Beyond the battles won.

The people who live there.
The people born from now.
Their hope is drawn from you.
They look to you for how.

If you would build tomorrow.
If you would make it bright.
Turn your heart away from sorrow.
Turn your heart to the sunrise.

For when the sun rises
And makes the night flee.
The demons that haunt at night
Will have to let you be.

As it warms your heart
And fills you with gladness
It will let fly your fears
And replace them with light.

Be not afeared
of that which is to come.
For that distant horizon
Holds a bright world, not yet born.

New battles to be won.
New challenges to face.
And a wondrous new adventure
A path you’re yet to grace.

Tomorrow can be bright
If that is what you are.
Tomorrow can be a thrill
If you but have the will.

Tomorrow lies in you
And it’s just beyond your view
Tomorrow holds your prize
If you would just own it too.

So don’t close your eyes to sadness.
And don’t turn your ear from cries.
But turn your ears to gladness
And turn today’s truth to a lie.


Dream Big

Ever must we dream.
Ever must we live.
We must build our dreams stone by stone.
We must dream big.

For what is the point in small dreams?
They serve no purpose.
They challenge none.
They mark the status quo.
They mark the daily trudge of the un-attaining ones
You are not such.

Ever must we dream.
Ever must we live.
We must build our dreams stone by stone.
We must dream big.

Build dreams that scare you.
Build dreams that task you.
Build dreams that take you beyond that which you already know.

Ever must we dream.
Ever must we live.
We must build our dreams stone by stone.
We must dream big.

Build dreams that make you.
Build dreams that wake you.
Build dreams that wake you to the wonders of this world.

That make you the one you would become.
That take you to the place you finally belong.
That break you and remake you into one to shape a world.

Ever must we dream.
Ever must we live.
We must build our dreams stone by stone.
We must dream big.

For hopes and dreams are marvelous things.
They open your eyes, when closing is easier.
They make you move when sitting is simple.
They make you run when walking is preferred.

Build dreams that shake you.
Your dreams won’t forsake you.
Build dreams that take you to the very ends of the world.
Build dreams that take you beyond past sorrow.
For your dreams are your passport to a brighter tomorrow.

Build dreams that push you.
Build dreams that stress you
Build dreams that make the simple unacceptable.

Reach for the improbable
Make a lie of the impossible.
Reach beyond and grasp the unobtainable

For, ever must we dream.
Ever must we live.
We must build our dreams stone by stone.
We must dream big.


Journey

Still working in Italy. Meeting lots of new people. Handing out my business card left and right. You never know, maybe one day something will come out of this.

Anyway, earlier today I emailed my dissertation to my supervisor, which means I have some time on my hands with nothing to do till she replies telling me all I’ve done wrong and asking that I rewrite the whole thing.

I found this little unfinished poem. Generally when I come across unfinished pieces, I try to see if I can finish them. But not quite happening this time. In truth, I can’y quite connect with where I was when i wrote it, so I cannot possibly be true to it and as a result all that would happen would be that it becomes somewhat disjointed if I were to force the issue. Maybe when I come back to it next time, I’ll have a resolution for it.

So for now here it is:

Journey

I am to tell you of laughter.
I am to tell you of light.
I am to sing not of destitution
Nor of fright.

Levity is gone, I cannot find thee here.
Seek me out will you?
In this time,
“give me something to sing about”
This was the refrain, was it not?

I have much to sing on.
Though not of joyous rhyme.
I have much to speak on.
I daresay you will not speak in time.

In this season,
In this time.
This is my reason for this rhyme.
My heart remains heavy.
My mind remains weary


I Dare You…

I dare you to dream.
I dare you to believe.
I dare you to have faith.
I dare you to stand.

I dare you to sing.
I dare you to cry.
I dare you to scream.
I dare you to shout.

I dare you to take up arms.
I dare you to fight.
I dare you to speak up.
I dare you to stay silent.

I dare you to raise your hand.
I dare you to be counted.
I dare you to try.
I dare you to fail.

I dare you to challenge yourself.
I dare you to strive.
I dare you to fail.
I dare you to succeed.

I dare you to be true.
I dare you to be you.
I dare you against all odds.
I dare you to live!


Give Me Something Precious To Lean On

Give me something precious to lean on.

So I don’t fall apart when it’s dark for too long.

Give me something precious to lean on.

So my heart doesn’t seal, close and hide away from the world.

Give me something precious to lean on.

So when the darkness closes in I’m not found wanting.

Give me something precious to lean on.

My island is gone, submerged beneath the sea.

So please.

Give me something precious to lean on.


The Artists

The artists demand.
A lot of this world.
A lot from friends.
A lot from acquaintance.

The artists demand.
You give us attention.
You give us your love.
With no apprehension.

We demand you your eyes.
We demand you your fears.
We demand you your mind.
We demand you your tears.
We demand nothing less,
Than all you have to give.
For in return, we’ll give you the world.

We’ll remind you of joy. In the midst of your tears.
We’ll inspire you to fight. In spite of your fears.
We’ll write words, to set afire your mind.
We’ll paint pictures, to beguile your eyes.
We’ll sing melodies that cause you to dance.
The dance of your life, so your worth you’ll enhance.

We’ll bring down the stars and help you to name them.
We’ll show you your birthrights, remind you to claim them.
We’ll show you your future, yet to be seen.
We’ll prod you and poke you, so your worth you may glean.

I ask you this, I must insist.
Are we not worth what we demand?
Tell me this and tell me true.
Are we not worth all this to you?

When we cry at un-met perfection.
And seek you out craving affection.
When we stand before you, heart torn asunder.
We ask that you bring us back from under.

We who paint skies for you.
Sometimes need to remember.
That darkness is not the only hue.
Sometimes there’s still gentle amber.

Sometimes our hearts are desperate things.
That forget how to beat.
Then our bodies are empty husks.
That neglect when to breathe.

As we come to you we seek,
Desperately like a child.
Approval, love and joy.
For like the lamb, we become mild.

Our passion gone.
Our joy lost.
Our reason for being, at large.

The emptiness we held at bay.
Returns when we recharge.

Will you protect us?
Will you enfold us?
As we hide out from the world?

Will you console us?
Will you extol us?
As we seem to come unfurled.

Yes we are artists and we demand,
A lot from this desperate world.
For we are artists and we bring you.
The beauty in this here world.


Cocoon

Cocoon

I need a cocoon.

I need to be away.

I need the quiet silent healing place

Far far away. Just over there.

But there is no cocoon here.

There’s only a monsoon here.

Words, suggestions and obligations.

I need to be away

Away in the place I’m no longer hurting

Where it no longer feels like I’m dying.

Slowly diminishing

Becoming less than.

Wrong direction.

It’s supposed to be more than.

The music no longer heals.

She no longer soothes.

People are no help.

They want and they want.

So I need a cocoon

I need to be away

I need the quiet silent healing place

Far far away. Just over there.

That internal light,

That normally shines bright,

Dimmer and dimmer it grows.

But by all means bring on social obligations.

To you and you I’ll make my oblations.

Don’t bark.

Don’t shout.

Don’t show the pain.

Don’t curse.

Don’t hit.

Don’t dare regress.

If I was the type to weep,

I’d weep and never stop.

But it’s not my way, not my style.

So I’ll carry on till I drop.

So I need a cocoon

I need to be away

I need the quiet silent healing place

Far far away. Just over there.

But there is no silence

There is no peace.

There is no sign of blessed release.

The walls close in.

The lights go out.

And there is no help without.

And then beneath, that thing it seethes.

It waits and it waits, my soul it seeks.

That anger that beast, that boiling rage.

How it never seeks to assuage.

Breath in, breathe out.

Is there still peace without?

It seems not, somewhere inside

Is where it must be found.

Release, release.

Release the pain.

The pain will ease.

That’s my refrain.

I need a cocoon

I need to be away

I need the quiet silent healing place

Far far away. Just over there.

Just beyond the sunset.

Maybe I’ll find it there.

When I reach that precipice.

Maybe peace will meet my ear.

A broken heart, a forgotten soul

And a mind completely dismembered.

Or should I just accept, accept my fate.

Is this how I’ll be remembered?

So I need a cocoon

I need solitude.

I need peace.

I need to be away

I need the quiet silent healing place

Far far away.

Just over there.