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Happy New Year! (2016)

It’s that time of year again. And to welcome you into the near year, here is my new offering. My first in many months. Though I started this tradition of mine many years ago. I plan to continue it for many years to come:

 

The New Year

We talk of new seasons, we talk of new days.

We talk of resolutions, in beautiful new ways.

We build relationships, we tear them down.

We reach through the ages, to dispel a frown.

This year gone, oh what joy, what pain.

So many songs, I still hear the refrain.

But as I look to tomorrow, to see what’s to come.

What’s apt to follow, considering what’s begun.

There is excitement, there is fear.

Trepidation, but a veneer.

A stronghold insistence, on resisting the persistence,

That life is but an existence, to be tolerated and endured.

Forgetting the laughter, the joy.

The love you could deploy.

In this new year, despite aggravation.

My sole recommendation is to live in the joy.

For happiness is a choice.

So, every day, from now till ever.

Make a vow, ties with bitterness to sever.

For that future place, the thing that you dream of.

The path to that place, something to lean on.

The way that you see.

The way that you think.

The way that you hear.

These will pull you from the brink.

Be the light when it’s dark.

That single solitary spark.

Be a voice when silence screams.

Even when all would burst at the seems.

In this new year, in this new day,

be the reason for others to say,

here is one who would not lean on excuse.

To lend a helping hand, he would never refuse.

So, as we talk of new seasons, we talk of new days.

As we talk of resolutions, in beautiful new ways.

Let us build relationships, and seek never to tear them down.

By all means, let us reach through the ages, to dispel that single solitary frown.

As this new year dawns.

As this new day begins.

Reach deep down inside you.

Find that love.

Let it shine!

Happy New Year!

😀

 


Identity

Identity

There’s a person I want to be.
Yeah, a person I need to be.
Each and every day I look in the mirror,
And it’s not him staring back.

So I get rid of you.
Let go of you, detach from my emotions
And end up detaching from myself.
Spending so much time in my head,
not enough time outside.

Way too much time thinking.
Not enough time experiencing.
Too much time analysing, words, expressions, motives.
Not enough time simply living.

So I end up staring in the mirror,
At the stranger staring back.
And wonder about this peace,
I seem to lack.

A stranger to myself,
I seem to be.
Inside my head,
I can no longer see.

“Why are you so damn sentimental?”
My father once asked me.
It’s simply who I seem to be,
I wanted to reply.

Worked hard to suppress,
This sensitivity, I cannot repress.
How do I address?
How do I redress?
The old tears still lurk, beneath the surface.
Lying in wait, to flow like an endless waterfall.
But it holds, the dam holds.
While I dry what belies.

There’s a person I want to be.
And I’m not sure I’m becoming him.
I fear I’m too far from him.
But maybe if I begin living again…
There’s a person I want to be.
Yeah, there’s a person I need to be.
Each and every day I look in the mirror.
And it’s not him staring back.


What Use Is A Heart

What Use Is A Heart?

What use is a heart,
When all it does is break?
What use is this heart?
When all it does is ache?
What’s the point in trying to fall in love?
When in the end all we do is break apart.
Why do we bother trying to find a friend?
When all we do is lose them?
Why do we believe in trust?
When it gets run aground?

Leave me my void.
I know it well.
Leave me my cold old heart.
No chance it’ll break.
Leave me a frozen bit of nothing.
I’ll not complain.
In the space where my heart once dwelt,
Leave me a space that’s never felt,
The warmth of touch,
The joy of peace,
The promise of simple laughter.
The insistent beating of a healthy heart
And joy forever after.

What use is a heart?
That’ll just tear apart?
What use is my heart,
Broken and torn?
Why bother to mend the pain?
Is it best to pretend,
The heart was never there?
My apologies to you who seek out this heart.
There is much work in store to mend this heart.
Putting the pieces together demands more than simple art.
But patience empathy and a warm warm heart.
If you have these and time to spare,
Then maybe, just maybe you’ll find a heart here.

But I ask you again.
What use is a heart,
When all it does is break?
What use is this heart?
When all it does is ache?


Being You

Being You

Sometimes it hurts to be you.
What do you do then?
Try to be someone else?
Or simply try to seem different to what you are?
Truth is I don’t know.

Sometimes it hurts to be you.
So, into your cocoon you go.
Oblivious to the world around you.
Numb to the pain.
Until you open up just a crack.
Just the tiniest bit, to let someone see.

What makes you tick.
Then it all comes flooding in.
Hits you so hard, you fall on your back.
What do you do then?

Fight back in the hopes that the pain won’t claim you?
Or succumb and let in envelope you?
Maybe just recede to your cocoon.
Shut up shop and suffocate the pain.
When all air is depleted.
And the pain can no longer survive,
It is gone and you’re left again.
Numb to all pain.

But, once again, alone.
But, since you cannot feel,
Since you cannot see the loneliness.
It gnaws at the essence of you.
While you’re away it eats away the edges.
Sucks away the laughter,
and drinks all the smiles.

So no one recognises you, when you emerge again.
No more friends in view when you return from pain.
Then, you feel alone.
Then, you feel lost.
Then, to injury you, are unavoidably prone.

Sometimes it hurts to be me.
But what am I to do?
Who am I to be?
But me.


Dear Valentine

Valentine

Dear Valentine,
You don’t exist, you’re not here.
But that’s ok, I don’t care.

I dedicate now to you.
This space, this time, this heart for you.
I care not for February, for it was then.
Here and now, it’s always true,
I give it all to you.

You don’t exist, you’re not here.
But that’s ok, I don’t care.
The stress, the fears, the tears unbidden.
The pain, the grief, the wounds unhidden.
I dedicate this to you too.

I’ll live through it now so in time to come.
You and I can sing our new song.
But my heart today, is far from view.
Hidden in a cave frosted through.

Today I cannot feel,
In time my mind will reel.
The thought of you, to feel, be real.
But here now in this time and space,
I cannot stand, my future to face,
without the effort of running this race.

So work and drop, this I’ll do.
Push and fight, day and night.
Till I can stand and face myself,
And know what fruit I do finally spring forth,
will not have to repeat my lack of wealth.

When the time does come, to relax and be proud.
I may need your help to finally defrost,
this here frozen heart.

Dear Valentine,
You don’t exist, you’re not here.
But that’s ok, I don’t care.
I dedicate now to you.


Life

Life

In life we make choices.

Places we choose to go.

We go on journeys.

Decide how we wish to grow.

As time passes by we learn to change,

roll with the punches.

So, we move on further, plans we re-arrange.

All the while life throws its punches.

Heartaches teach us lessons we’d rather not learn.

And in loss we learn of life, we learn to yearn.

We must learn, eventually to trust.

All this, long before we return to dust.

So I turn to you.

Tell you I love you, in hopes you won’t deny.

That somewhere in my heart you are indeed placed.

Yeah, I turn to you.

Tell you I love you, someday you will reply.

That I too, in your heart am somewhere placed.

But you see this is the point of life.

To live, to share, to long for, to care.

When you tell someone you love them.

You give them a place in your heart.

And if your heart is just big enough you can hold many indeed!

It will then be a joy to see them smile.

It will indeed be rhapsody to see them laugh.

Though, be warned.

When they frown, so will you.

And when they cry, you will also cry.

When they are melancholy you will stretch your arms across the widest seas just to hold them tight.

This is part of what it is to live.

To share joys and pains.

This is part of what it is so say one has lived.

One has indeed experienced life.

And I speak not yet of being enamoured.


Why Must I Write

Why must I write?

Why exactly must I write?
Shall I write to show you my very heart?
Or shall I write simply because I can?
In truth I write because I feel I must.
I feel I must catalogue all, before I return to dust.
Yeah, when all is said and done, and everything is gone.
It must be written down.
It must be written down.
The battles that were fought?
They must be written down.
The conquests that we had?
They must be written down.
The hearts that we broke? yes, they must all be written down.
This, is why I write.
I write to tell you my story.
Now you know, will you share my glory?


Reflections

Still transferring old poetry from the last 5-6 years. A little more than I had anticipated and a little less than one might expect from one who claims to be a writer! Ah well.

Reflections

She told me I never knew pain.

I smiled.

I wish you were there the day I tried to take my life.

I wish you could see I was riddled with trouble & strife.

I wish you could see my life has been riddled with pain and self-doubt.

I wish you were there when my friend took his life.

I cried so hard I thought I would die.

I cried and screamed begged to the heavens.

Bring him back!

Till I panted for breath and thought,

this is my time.

When I couldn’t sleep for fear I’d forget to breathe.

When I didn’t know if I would live or die,

or if my life was actually worth living.

I truly wish she could have seen,

the tears I cried at my own loneliness.

When I’m surrounded by all and yet silence enshrouds.

No, she did not see.

And I reflect, on the life I have lived.

When I finally pass.

When I finally leave this tortured life that really wishes to see me down.

What will be said of me.

Will it be said that this was one surrounded by darkness but found a way to live in the light?

Will it be said that this was one surrounded by unhappiness but found a way to laugh with delight?

At the little things. The love of loved ones. Their smiles, their laughter?

Will it be said that he lived by the words

“Weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning”

Will they say he stood strong and followed his dreams and leant not on excuse?

I don’t know what they will say when my time is come.

All I do know is cannot live by yesteryears. I cannot focus on what was.

If I live by watching what’s behind.

I will miss the joys of my future and continue to live in pain.

That pain is in the past. I have enough pain in the present to contend with.

Why must I focus on those left behind?

My past, is the bridge to my future, as it should be for you.

Tis not a habitation place, tis not a place to dwell.

Tis a bridge, to help you get from where you are now, to where you wish to be.

For the past is a class, a lesson to be taught and never to be missed.

Sit the class, learn the lesson, then move along.

When my time is come, I wish to see you.

I wish to see you smile.

I want you to remember that every time you saw me, heard me considered me twas with a smile on my face.

Twas with laughter in my mouth.

In all my reflections, let it be known that I knew how to smile.

I love you with all of me.


Cathartic

Cathartic

Release from myself,

interesting notion.

How do I remove myself,

from this tumultuous ocean?

Sit still for a while.

Smile with me for a while.

Maybe we’ll laugh, sing a new song.

Tell me a story of ages gone.

Hold me, console me, all forlorn.

Can you whisper a word, in my ear?

Can you smile with me, remove my fear?

Can I return to a yesteryear?

When all was plain and not confused.

Trouble and strife try to surround.

Pain and strain try to crowd me.

I wish there was a manual for life.

A six month warranty.

Return to the store if it breaks after a day or two.

But, no, life is not so.

When life removes your smile and those around you,

don’t know how to deal, they try to enfold you.

How do you let them?

How do you let them love you?

How do you let them in?

No instructions, no guides.

No little booklets with troubleshooting guides.

When you’ve pushed everyone away from you,

what do you do?

When you’ve sent them all away from view,

and don’t know what to do.

You just write.

It’s cathartic.


I Need

I Need.

I need joy.
I need laughter.
I need someone nearby forever after.
I need a smile.
I need your smile.
I need no more reason to swing from the rafters.

I need sanity.
I need truth.
I need to know who you truely are.
I need no pain.
I need no tears.
I need you here to cast away my fears.

I need a shoulder.
I need a heart.
I need a reason to kickstart my stalled heart.
I need a spanner,
to throw in the works.
I need a key,
to unlock my heart.
I need release.
More elbow grease?!
How much more before I find release?

I need a punching bag.
I need some gloves
When I’ve fallen flat, on my back.
I need a reason to stand back up.
When the world’s on my shoulders and I’m under attack,
I need a reason, to keep fighting on.

I need a break.
I need reprieve
I need to find, some sort of relief.
When it’s dark outside, and I cannot see.
I need a reason to dance with glee.

I need security.
I need serenity.
I need peace of mind.
I need a break!
Darn it, I need no more ache.
Simply put, I think I know.
What I really need,
is you.
And that sucks!