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Letter To A Friend

So, to combat the fact that I hadn’t written a poem in an age (last was in October), I went to a nearby park to sit, think and see if I can reconnect with myself. In the end, I was able to write:

Letter To A Friend

 When I feel down,

As I have for the past few months.

I pick up the pad you gave me,

And I read the words you left me.

You have much faith in me,

These days I can’t see why.

I often feel like a failure to myself

As well as to my loved ones.

Especially around certain times of the year.

I often wish I could see,

What you see, when you look at me.

I would love to draw strength from that

And know that there is much,

Or at least a little to claim pride in.

I look ahead, to see.

To see what lies before me, and the path is not clear.

I feel tis a narrow road and I must clear a path for myself.

I look to my past. To previous thoughts and readings,

I am reminded that David often had cause to encourage himself.

I have trouble trying to draw parallels with him.

Even as I did when I was a man of faith.

I hear words from my favourite tv characters,

The Doctor, Merlin, Sherlock et al

 Yet, I could not presume to place myself among such exalted company.

Though, if I would seek greatness, is it not their kin I must look to?

Can I not draw parallels here?

Is it too late to try?

Am I unworthy?

Who is worthy, if I cannot be?

All is in my hands.

But where do I turn?

I feel like a rudderless ship. Adrift in a storm.

With no idea which way is my North.

I look around to seek out answers.

In times gone past, I was told,

Look to the hills, as from there comes my help.

But I am no longer that man.

Those words no longer belong to me.

They belong to another.

I know not who.

Many moons ago, I was told of a destiny that was mine.

Is it no longer for me?

The underlying sadness I felt, even as a man of faith.

Remains, tears and claws at me.

The tenet I hold in hand.

Do what your hands find to do.

This I continue to do.

I am not comfortable.

And this is fine.

If I was, I wouldn’t fight, I wouldn’t try.

But I know not what I am supposed to do.

My strength has never been born of myself.

Ever was it born from others.

As much as I hated it,

It would appear I was never truly independent.

And much have I hated that.

You were the strength I never knew I needed.

In truth, I’m not even sure I wanted.

I fought you.

Because I fear that is all I know.

The fight.

For good or ill, this has been my help.

And now?

Who do I fight?

Where is the iron to sharpen me?

And so I am lost.

I’m sure that in time, I will find my way.

It is me afterall.

In the meantime, I shall wait.

Try to find direction again.

I shall wait.

Unfortunately, it won’t be patiently.

One response

  1. Pingback: Hope – “Pursuing The Unknown End” | Music TJ

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