Still transferring old poetry from the last 5-6 years. A little more than I had anticipated and a little less than one might expect from one who claims to be a writer! Ah well.
She told me I never knew pain.
I wish you were there the day I tried to take my life.
I wish you could see I was riddled with trouble & strife.
I wish you could see my life has been riddled with pain and self-doubt.
I wish you were there when my friend took his life.
I cried so hard I thought I would die.
I cried and screamed begged to the heavens.
Bring him back!
Till I panted for breath and thought,
this is my time.
When I couldn’t sleep for fear I’d forget to breathe.
When I didn’t know if I would live or die,
or if my life was actually worth living.
I truly wish she could have seen,
the tears I cried at my own loneliness.
When I’m surrounded by all and yet silence enshrouds.
No, she did not see.
And I reflect, on the life I have lived.
When I finally pass.
When I finally leave this tortured life that really wishes to see me down.
What will be said of me.
Will it be said that this was one surrounded by darkness but found a way to live in the light?
Will it be said that this was one surrounded by unhappiness but found a way to laugh with delight?
At the little things. The love of loved ones. Their smiles, their laughter?
Will it be said that he lived by the words
“Weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning”
Will they say he stood strong and followed his dreams and leant not on excuse?
I don’t know what they will say when my time is come.
All I do know is cannot live by yesteryears. I cannot focus on what was.
If I live by watching what’s behind.
I will miss the joys of my future and continue to live in pain.
That pain is in the past. I have enough pain in the present to contend with.
Why must I focus on those left behind?
My past, is the bridge to my future, as it should be for you.
Tis not a habitation place, tis not a place to dwell.
Tis a bridge, to help you get from where you are now, to where you wish to be.
For the past is a class, a lesson to be taught and never to be missed.
Sit the class, learn the lesson, then move along.
When my time is come, I wish to see you.
I wish to see you smile.
I want you to remember that every time you saw me, heard me considered me twas with a smile on my face.
Twas with laughter in my mouth.
In all my reflections, let it be known that I knew how to smile.
I love you with all of me.